Exploratory Essay

Should Adopted Children be Able to Meet Their Biological Family?

The question I am researching is “Should adopted children be able to meet their biological family?” I am interested in this question is because I have heard personal stories that argue both sides of the question. In my opinion, I think it is helpful for the adopted child to meet their parents so that they know where they come from, and so that they don’t feel like they are missing a part of who they are. However, I wonder if there are any drawbacks to meeting biological families, and if it causes any issues for the adopted child. I think this is a significant question because adoption is something that will never go away, and by weighing the pros and cons of biological family contact, I can come to a better understanding of why some people opt to let their child meet their parents, and why some people choose not to have any contact with the biological family.

            I wanted to start my research first by weighing the pros and cons of biological family contact. I found and article titled “Should Adopted Children Be Allowed To Seek Their Biological Parents” that argues both sides of the question. In the article, the argument against biological family contact states that children should not be able to seek out their biological families because it “may create a stigmatization environment where the child feels not appreciated in the society” ("Should Adopted Children Be Allowed to Seek Their Biological Parents?"). The article argues that if a child was given up for adoption due to the fact that the parents didn’t want the burden of having a child, this may cause the child to feel like they aren’t good enough, and that they are a burden to everyone. It also may make the child feel like they need to get revenge on their biological parents for giving them up for adoption. The child may be angry and have a hidden agenda when it comes to meeting their biological parents.  On the other hand, they also argue why biological family contact is beneficial. The author explains how having contact with the biological parents can help the child better understand why they were put up for adoption, and create a sense of closure. The article also argues that the biological parents can play a key role when it comes to raising the child. They may have been financially unstable at the time of adoption, but they may have great parenting skills that are crucial to the child’s development. There are pros and cons to reuniting with the biological parents, and after reading the article, I wanted to find out more about success in meeting the biological family.

I searched for personal stories from adopted children and adoptive families about their experience connecting the biological family. An interesting internet article came up titled “The Benefits of Birth Family Contact”, and as I was reading through the article, I found a testimony from the adoptive mother of a teenage boy. She and her son sought out his biological family so that he could see where he came from, and so that he could meet his biological brothers and sisters. After meeting with the family, his adoptive mother said "When you see children interact with their birth family, relatives and siblings, you begin to see their true personality and understand who they are. The birth family can help you bring out the child and blend all of the lives together" ("The Benefits of Birth Family Contact”). This is interesting, because by meeting his real parents, he opened up and found a new identity. This made me wonder if there has ever been a case where a child developed identity issues after meeting their biological family.

            In my search to find information about adopted child identity, I found a book titled “Family Identity: Ties, Symbols, and Transitions”, written by Vittorio Cigoli, and Scalini Eugenia. The reason why this book stood out to me was because of the word “identity” in the title. The questions  that I had at the beginning of reading this book was “How does a child’s identity change after meeting their biological family, and what affect does this have on the family dynamic?”  As I was reading through the book, I found a passage where the author wrote “…it appears that foster children want to belong to both their biological and their foster families. The questionnaire shows that foster parents want to respect the child’s ties with it biological family.” (Cigoli, Eugenia 127). The author later says that due to the fact that the adopted child wants to have both families in their life, they often struggle to decide who they belong to, and what kind of person they are. The author also rights that if biological family contact is going to work, the adoptive family needs to provide a clear understanding of where their biological family and adoptive family stand in the child’s life. It is important for the child to understand the difference between who they belong to legally, and who they belong to biologically so that there is no confusion when the child is trying to figure out their family dynamic.  After reading this passage from the book, I started to wonder what issues arise if the meeting with the biological family doesn’t go well, and if problems can develop after contacting the family.

            I searched for more information on why adopted children shouldn’t meet their biological parents, and an article titled “Adoption: When Problems Occur with Birthparents” came up. In the article, the author outlines the potential problems that may arise after contacting and meeting the biological family. The first thing that the author suggests is “No matter how well you get along with the birthparents before the adoption, it's a good idea to put your expectations and plans in writing” (“Adoption: When Problems Occur with Birthparents”). The author suggests this, because it creates a guideline for parents so that they know where their boundaries are, and they have a clear understanding of their responsibility in the child’s life. One of things that is described in the article is that when birthparents are introduced into the family, they can either be needy and demanding of the adoptive parents, or they can pull away and lose contact with their child. Both of these things can cause tension. If the biological parents are demanding of the adoptive parents, they may violate their rights, and invade the privacy of the child and their adoptive parents. This can cause conflict and in the long run, ruin the relationship. However, if the biological parents pull away from the child, this can leave both families feeling like they did something wrong, and make ruin the communication line between families. The author if this article describes the reasons why some biological parents lose contact with their child. Loss of communication is often due to the fact that the biological parents are trying to get on with their lives, or they are simply too sad or angry at themselves since they had to put their child up for adoption. It is a common problem that arises in many adoptions. The article also explains that over time, life moves on for both families, and things change in the family dynamic, making it hard to keep in touch, and this often causes tension and problems for both parties.

            After viewing articles on both points of view, I wanted to find statistics on the success and failure rate of biological family contact. I came across a study conducted by Frances Pacheco and Robert Eme titled “An Outcome Study of the Reunion between Adoptees and Biological Parents” on and online database. In the study, they surveyed seventy-two families that had been reunited, and administered a questionnaire after their reunion to determine how many people had success, and how many people still stay in contact with their families. The in the questionnaire, they asked how many people felt that the experience was positive. Eighty-six percent of people agreed that their experience was positive; ten percent disagreed, saying that their experience was negative, and four percent were unsure. Over all, the reunions were a positive experience for the adopted children. They also asked how many people felt like their identity has improved since meeting their biological families, and eighty-five percent agreed, seven percent disagreed, and eight percent were uncertain. This shows that after meeting their families, they had a better understanding of who they are, and they feel like they are have a better sense of completeness when it comes to their family life. At the end of the survey, they asked how many people would seek further contact with their families. The results came back that sixty-nine percent of people would seek further contact, eighteen percent wouldn’t seek further contact, and eight percent were undecided. Overall, the experience for these seventy-two surveyed individuals was positive, and the majority of them would like to seek further contact with their biological families.

            After conducting my research, I feel like I have a better perspective of the other side of the argument. Going into this research process, I was very one sided in my opinion, but now I can see how biological family contact could be a bad thing in the long run. I hope to hone in on my opinion in the persuasive paper, and come to a clear opinion and perspective on the issue of biological family contact.

Works Cited

"The Benefits of Birth Family Contact." Adoption Information Center of Illinois. N.p., n.d. Web.

        12 Oct. 2015.

Cigoli, Vittorio, and Eugenia Scabini. Family Identity: Ties, Symbols, and Transitions. New     

          York, NY: Psychology, 2014. Print.

"Should Adopted Children Be Allowed to Seek Their Biological Parents?"Law Teacher.

N.p., n.d. Web. 12 Oct. 2015.

Pacheco, Frances, and Robert Eme. "An Outcome Study Of The Reunion Between Adoptees

And Biological Parents." Child Welfare 72.1 (1993): 53-64. Academic Search Premier.

Web. 14 Oct. 2015.

“Adoption:When Problems Occur with Birthparents.”-Family Education.com. N.p.,n.d. Web. 24      

Oct. 2015